I Sometimes Wonder

…Ahhh Saturday and a fairly nice one in my neck of the woods,although it looks to be ready to rain.This of course to the car guy in me is a welcome turn of events.We need several good steady rain showres to wash the roads down so the beautiful beasts can come out to play.Road salt is not something you want you favorite piece of classic Detroit muscle exposed to considering it’s likely to have many dollars and several years of hard labor into the care of it.Indeed I’ve been hearing the sounds of spinning tires and well tuned naturaly loud exhaust notes,music to this old cat’s ears.Yes the springtime is about to break out upon the world up here in central Wisconsin and naturaly between thoughts of fast cars and pretty girls I’ve got one hell of a case of spring fever this year.

…I was just out walking this old bag of bones and pondering my way up and down the avenues.So many thoughts and notions rolling around the mind  that I realy don’t know where my fingers are leading me today.Lot’s of thoughts along the lines of being over 50 these days and just not wishing to be alone anymore.Funny thing though is as these notions were wandering around my oft befuddled mind I realized just how difficult this not being alone could realy be.When you’re young and mostly care free you don’t concern yourself with the so many things we realize will affect us at this age and older now.

…I’m not so much talking about being strong willed and possibly set in your ways and wanting what you want the way you want it.No my thoughts wandered off on a totaly different tangent and those who know me will be chuckling now as they would expect this from me.So here we are the childern mostly raised and on their own our self esteem and most all emotional issues long ago shored up and our house of self pretty well in something resembling order.So this whole find and partner up with someone should be a piece of cake….yes? Well maybe,or possibly not.I started thinking of all those little details that can come up between a man and woman as they begin to quietly gaze into each other’s eyes over a cup off coffee or three.

…Have I got you wondering by now,is your mind starting to see the path I’m about to oh so casualy wander down as your eyes partake of this man’s particular brand of drivel.I want you to consider just what it takes to get to the levels of intimate knowledge of each other both emotionaly and yes my friends he who dares is about to go there……physicaly.As younger versions of ourselves when mother nature decided it was time for the big deed the clothes were ripped off and the union would then begin in earnest without a second thought.Over the years though our bodies change and grow much like our spirits.Hair thins and turns color,we have accumlated scars and moles and marks and such in places we just don’t sometimes want to think about.There are more wrinkles and things just are not as perky as they used to be.

…Now I suppose you may be thinking well so what that’s life and anyone my age should understand and not concern themselves with my flaws.That is absolutly right as far as it goes,what I’m wondering is something a little different.Do we find ourselves willing and more than capable of seeing past another person’s wear marks of life but end up focusing on our own.Thinking that oh lord will he/she notice that old scar or those grey hairs in…well I won’t get specific as I think you may now see the point of this rambling disertation.Do we sometimes think that our flaws and battle scars may be unattractive to another?I just wonder if this is not yet another thing quietly undermining our attempts at finding someone.After all at this age it’s likely going to be the last person we will ever be intimate with so maybe,just maybe we are being way to critical……….. NOT of others…….but of OURSELVES………Are we afraid of what a potential life partner may see,the battle scars of life that we carry now…..both on the outside and in our hearts and souls…….I sometimes wonder.

………..For Your Consideration……………………………………………

……………..Thecatsman PhD(school of hard knocks)…………………………

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