Frustrations

…Sometimes as I sit down before the magical keyboard that is connected to the infernal machine I find myself face to face with the frustrations of a given day.At this particular moment it’s all the noise surrounding me here at the palace.The various goings on and seeming endless nameless,faceless clamour surrounding my oft befuddled mind and causing great consternation whitin.Just when I’d like to be merrily pounding the keys,taking dictation from the wandering wordsmith for delivery from the bully pulpit as a message of seeming import I’m trapped here amoungest the random rumblings of the lives that surround me.

…This always tends to toss my mind into a frustrated turmoil that invaribly leads to an inventory of the things of the day,week,month and sometimes of a lifetime that frustrate me and attempt to drag me into a downward spiral.I hope by sitting here stubbornly pounding at these keys that represent our collective humanity that I may find some form of peace within.So many frustrations on my mind today,most of which there isn’t a damn thing I can effectivly do anything about.Often times these days it seems the dreaded words, just have to live with it, come to the fore in a determined attack on my spirit.Realizing that a goodly portion of my frustrations come from a lack of wordly means that would at least remove me from this place to somewhere with a modicum of privacy with which to enjoy some solitude or the company of people of my own choosing as opposed to the ebb flow of the various characters that pass through these palace gates only adds fuel to the fire.

…Please to not percieve me as some ingrateful ingrate,or bitter old dude that just wants to piss and moan.I realy am not that way and have always been extremely greatful to my daughter and her husband who took me in before I ended up on the street and have sheltered me for more years now than I’d like to admit.I owe a debt to these young people that I doubt will ever be repaid.However the simple fact is I don’t belong nor do I fit in here.I long for a measure of independence and control of the commings and goings of my own life.I’ve fallen to the ravages of that which inhabits my body and prevents me from doing the things that needs be done,like earning a living.The system does not care and opens many cracks for me to tumble into blindly finding yet another “sorry we can’t help you” waiting to wrap itself around my being.

…My recent adventures on the dating site and the vaunted internet have rekindled many of my humanly desires.I want to grow and expand the being that I am and become a better man in the process.I wnat the ability to decide when I want to wake or sleep and not have the commings and goings of others dictate the rythums of my life,to have a private moment or day to spend as I would with whom I choose to spend it with. To break free of the limitations that have been delivered unto to me and live my life in a manner that suits me without bowing to the needs and desires of all of those that surround me.

…Indeed I am one very frustrated fellow.Pounding these things into the magical keyboard to be loosed upon the unsuspecting gives a certain measure of relief.I don’t often use the platform of my bully pulpit to rant and rave about the trials and tribulations of my life.At times like these I try to take stock of the riches of my soul.Wealth that I cannot trade for wordly goods or services but enriches my life in an incalcuable fashion just the same.The keeness of mind that allows me to cause the tools of the english language to flow from my mind to the great white page before me.My fellow members of spiecies human that I travel with on this great mother earth who daily show their grnuine concern and friendship to this silly old dude.Beginings of wisdom develpoing in my oft befuddled mind transforming my frustrations into energy to be channeled to heart and soul to fuel the life’s passions that stir again inside me. 

…These are the things that I reach for to beat down the frustrations that sometimes threaten to overwhelm the one known as I.That sometimes crazy madman that resides within the confines of my mind.I turn him loose to collect up the elements of self that have been dispersed causing a short period of  self pity that must be allowed to run it’s course through me so that when it has gone on it’s loathsome way only I will remain.A srtonger more resilient man prepared to once again go on the hunt for ways to solve the puzzle that has become my life.I have to believe that the positive powers of my spirit will find the ways to overcome these frustrations and bring to me what I need to once again thrive in this often harsh world.Or to put it very simply like one very special lady friend of mine does so well,”I will prevail” I shall leave you with those powerful words on this warm November evening.

……………..I Will Prevail………………………………………………………………………

……………………………..The catsman PhD(school of hard knocks)………………..